By Heather Walgren
An interesting conversation popped up at work today. I’m not really sure how it got started, but suddenly, I found myself discussing my dating life (or the lack thereof) with my coworkers. This past Sunday an elderly gentleman bore his testimony on family: it’s one of the only things you can take with you when you pass from this life. Hence, the sign of a wealthy man is one with a love of the gospel and a rich family life. I came away from that meeting wanting to get married more than ever and have lots of children. But then reality sunk in.
How can I get married when I can’t even get a date? Sure, I could start going to a singles ward. Then again, my stake’s singles ward scares me, and the BYU singles wards I have come in contact with make me feel like I am a second string contestant in a beauty pageant. Like most girls, I fall into the happy medium of looks: I’ll never be Miss Universe, but I don’t shatter glass. I’m not even a plain Jane. I am happy to be in the main stream in the looks department, but when guys tend to see better than they think (especially in a singles ward paradigm) it makes life complicated for a girl who is a lot more cautious about putting herself out there. Guys just overlook girls like me.
As frivolous as the conversation with my coworkers was I was amazed at the number of girls at my work that felt like they were in the same boat. Though I do not joy in the trials others face the conversation made me feel less like a one-woman anomaly and more like a girl with a common plight. I will never be the type of female that flirts easily – I feel like I am acting like a two year old. Yet, blatant flirting seems to be the only way some guys figure it out. Do guys really want to date girls who do nothing but laugh? What is wrong with good old, intelligent conversation (to see if you can respect someone) intermingled with humor? That’s what I want, but it begs the question: How do I get to that point before I reach my 93rd birthday?
It reminded me of a sister in the Britannia Ward who introduced a song by saying it was the song she would play when she wanted to go to bed and she thought, “You are going to grow old all alone except for your cats… Wait! You don’t even like cats.” It’s enough to make one consider (for a brief moment in time) marrying someone who meets the basic requirements (breathing and holds a temple recommend). But then reality sets in. I would be bored witless if I married someone without anything else to offer.
As I pondered this conundrum this evening I logged onto MySpace to send my sister some contact information. As I cleared out all of my unread mail I looked into my pending friend requests box. I found one of the funniest requests I have ever seen: it was a LDS rent a date four guys had put together for single LDS girls. Apparently, they are bishop approved and willing to help out a girl in need. At first, I smiled. As I read through their biographies (where they used adjectives like “General Authority material” and “world champion scripture mastery specialist”) I started to chuckle. But what had me rolling on the floor and truly laughing out loud was the number of friends these four boys had accumulated (I’ll let you follow the link to see the grand total). Apparently, I am not an anomaly after all.
July 6, 2007 at 10:52 am
1. All the good guys are married
2. All the good guys that have not married are ugly
3. All good guys with a good looking style who happen to be not married are just a boy
4. All good guys with a good looking style who happen to be not married and mature enough are gay
July 9, 2007 at 6:02 am
Hi Heather
I guess this is your first name………
just stopped by to say I really loved this post of yours……….I do agree with you to a point that life or better dating life has turned pathetic…….may be I will not grow old as my cats but probably yes like many other creatures;)………..keep blogging and stay happy!!
July 14, 2007 at 8:53 pm
Heather,
I must say that I know what you mean. This post could easily pass for a page from my own journal. I am debating if that is a good thing or not. LOL
What a post!
July 17, 2007 at 10:14 pm
[...] to each other and their respective roles in life? Recently my daughter posted a blog titled “Where have all the good guys gone?” Since then both of us have had young women literally coming out of the depths of e-space to tell us [...]
July 30, 2007 at 4:37 pm
[...] stumbled upon a post today at wordpress.com from a girl named Heather who was blogging about the issue of not being able to consider marriage because she can hardly find a worthy date. This seems to be [...]
July 30, 2007 at 7:10 pm
My idea of a good guy is someone who is goal oriented, self-motivated, kind, considerate of others, and is not interested in playing Peter Pan. In other words, a good guy is an adult who is truly a good person.
Sooner or later, all of us have to grow up. I wrote, “Where have all the good guys gone?” in response to some guys I know who do not want to grow up and tend to blame their actions on scarcity of “good girls”. I have heard some wonderful guys talk about how they cannot find a girl they are interested in, but they are interested in the female equivalent of “guys that are into motocross racing, or guys that are in bands and such.”
I agree with your analysis. There is a difference between guys that will show a girl a good time and a guy that possesses a good character. It takes a good girl to recognize the difference.